Sailor Moon Says! Your Daily Alternative! Today's Episode: A Moon Star is Born (3/11/96) Sailor Moon Says: "Wow! My voice is different! What happened?" "We're in reruns again. Oh boy." "Again?? What happened?" "Dic is controlled by the Negaverse. That's why there's so many cut scenes and rewritten dialoge." "Sailor Moon Says. Ha. Ha. Ha." Today's Episode: Talk Radio (3/12/96) Sailor Moon Says: "Luna was wondering today when I'm ever going to get my act together. Gee, she's only known me for one episode." "What about the past two seasons? Hmmmmm?" "Umm... Sailor Moon Says! Heeheehee!" "You always say that!" "Who are you?" Today's Episode: Slim City (3/13/96) Sailor Moon Says: "Today was the first (and last) time I've punched someone. I'm surprised that Dic kept it in." "YOU punched someone? Wow... I'm sorry I missed it!" "And who are _you_?" "Ho boy... how long until I get to be in an episode?" "Sailor Moon Says.... I'm confused. Heeheehee!" Today's Episode: So You Want to be a Superstar (3/14/96) Sailor Moon Says: "Today I thought I would get to be a superstar. But I'm glad that I didn't." "Oh, good! You've decided that your engergy would be best spent by fighting the Negaverse!" "No, it's just that everyone that was trying to be a star was just _reeking_ with B.O.! Engergy waves, hah!" "Rowr! Hisss! Ffffft!" "Heh..heh.. nice kitty... nice kitty... Sailor Moon Says! Heeheehee!" Today's Episode: Time Bomb (3/18/96) Sailor Moon Says: "You know, those readings in your 'VR' goggles didn't look like they actually meant anything, Ami." "They don't, but neither does your speech. Today you didn't even move your mouth through half of it! No, what I'm really wondering is why the Negaverse uses something breakable like a clock to store their energy in. Why not something a little harder to break with a rose, like a rock?" "Well, knowing Tuxedo Mask, that rose would shatter the rock anyway. Sailor Moon Says! Heeheehee!" Today's Episode: An Uncharmed Life (3/19/96) Sailor Moon Says: "Wow, that girl Rei is sure mean to me!" "I'm not surprised, after going through two sets of episodes with you. I'd be mean too, but I'm only a cat." "Is that Tuxedo Mask guy a professional bus driver?" "I'm just going to ignore you. Sailor Moon Says! Heeheehee!" Today's Episode: Nightmare in Dreamland (3/20/96) Sailor Moon Says: "Cool! Tuxedo Mask doesn't have to move his mouth when he talks either!" "Did you ever notice that the Negaverse isn't very subtle?" "And still, everything we do is part of a Negaverse plot." "And to think that we have to go through more ruruns until fall! Aaaagh! Sailor Moon screams!" Today's Episode: Cruise Blues (3/21/96) Sailor Moon Says: "So what'd the deal with this 'blues' theme in the episode titles, anyway? Cruise Blues, Computer School Blues... what's next?" "Well, _I've_ got the blues - Tuxedo Mask didn't show up today!" "He's mine anyway! Stay away!" "Ahem... Sailor Mercury Says! Heeheehee!" Today's Episode: Fight To The Finish (3/22/96) Sailor Moon Says: "I've always thought it was cool how we can talk without our mouths moving. But today we surpassed that!" "Yes, we cried without having the patented 'Anime-eye-twitch' syndrome!" "I guess we're just talented." "(I know _I'm_ talented.... I don't know about her). Sailor Moon Says! Heeheehee!" "I heard that, Serena...!" "Heehee... hee... aaaaaa!" Today's Episode: Dangerous Dollies (3/29/96) Sailor Moon Says: "Sammy really did it today. He turned Mika into a being of evil incarnate!" "No, actually I think it was _your_ fault." "What? At least I didn't screw up and say 'fireballs charge ignite!'" "At least my eyeballs don't make bleeping sounds when I blink during transformation!" "Ahem... today we learned two important lessons: one, 'The stars know everything!' and two, the stars make little bleeping noises. Sailor Mercury Says! Heeheehee!" "Hey! That's my line!" Today's Episode: Who Is That Masked Man? (4/1/96) Sailor Moon Says: "Today we learned that Nephlyte isn't very smart. For some reason, he thought that Molly was me. Now, correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't my hair a _lot_ longer and a _lot_ blonder than Molly's?" "I learned an important lesson too - I'm the official energy source of the Negaverse. I've lost count of the times I've gotten drained." "Sailor Moon Says! Heeheehee!" Today's Episode: An Animated Mess (4/2/96) Sailor Moon Says: "I think everyone learned a lot in today's episode. I learned that even though we're in Japan, we can have people with horrible southern accents (and who sound like rabid chipmunks when they laugh) appear." "I learned that I can be in bed with a cold one day and be trashing the Negaverse the next." "I learned that if you stand on top of Negavere villians' cars, they get PO'd." "We also learned that pencils are EVIL! Sailor Moon Says! Heeheehee!" Today's Episode: Worth A Princess' Ransom (4/3/96) Sailor Moon Says: "Today I used the Luna Disguise Pen for just a change of clothes! And -still- the other scouts didn't recognize me!" "Today we learned that whenever someone is possessed by an evil Nephlyte-like spirit they turn purple." "I learned that when I'm possessed by an evil Nephlyte-like spirit I Iook _really_ cool!" "I learned that I have a sister who's a princess! Cool!" "Sailor Moon Says! Heeheehee!" Today's Episode: Molly's Folly (4/5/96) Sailor Moon Says: "Cool! Today Darien actually _wore different clothes!!!_" "I'm really smart... I figured out that Maxfield Stanton was Nephlyte! And nobody else knew! I'm just smart!!" "Anybody know any good reason that I had huge Mickey Mouse-esque ears all this episode?" "Because Disney owns Dic? Sailor Moon Says! Heeheehee!" Today's Episode: A Friend In Wolf's Clothing (4/6/96) Sailor Moon Says: "Wow... someone actually _died_ on a cartoon!" "At least he didn't leave a body behind to complicate matters." "Well, still, I'm surprised that Dic didn't cut that out entirely and just leave everyone wondering what happened to Nephlyte. I mean, this episode had blood and everything! Wow..." "What? Blood? And I missed it? I can't wait until I get to be back on again...!" "Uh... who are you? Oh well, never mind. Sailor Moon Says! Heeheehee!" Today's Episode: Jupiter Comes Thundering In (4/7/96) Sailor Moon Says: "Stealing is wrong, even if you have powers of telekenisis and can cheat." "Today I learned that I can sense things that nobody else can." "Today I realized that my symbol is a four. I'm not real sure why." "Sailor Moon Says! Heeheehee" Today's Episode: The Power of Friendship (4/9/96) Sailor Moon Says: "Today I learned an important lesson - even though the shadow warriors were really powerful in the future, now they're really pitiful. All it takes is a quick 'Moon Healing Activation!'" "I'm wondering why I never get to actively beat people up, and instead have to use that weak electricity attack!" Today's episode: Mercury's Mental Match. (1/10/96) Sailor Moon Says: "Today, Greg learned a very important lesson. You should do your best in school, and you shouldn't cheat on exams, even if you can see the future." "Yes, and you also shouldn't throw sharp, pointed art instruments at your friends, even if you _have_ had your mind taken over by the Negaverse!" "Sailor Moon Says! Heeheehee!" Today's episode: An Artful Attack (1/11/96) Sailor Moon Says: "Peggy is a major cool artist. And she became an even cooler artist when she was turned into a Shadow Warrior by the negaverse! Even though Peggy knew that people expected her to be as beautiful as her paintings, she realized that a bit of ugliness and evil was a small trade for being able to paint rocks on air with feathers! So that's why she was so P.O.'d when I used "Moooon Heallling Activaaation!" on her." "This is where I say 'Take your own advice, Serena,' except that it wouldn't make sense." "Sailor Moon Says! Heeheehee!" Today's Episode: Too Many Girlfriends (1/12/96) Sailor Moon Says: Today, Lita and I were in a lot of pain. Not only did we discover that Andrew had a girlfriend, but throughout the entire episode, we made the most silly and contorted faces ever in one episode! Not to mention slamming into Andrew and falling down! I was in pain for most of the rest of the day! Get to the point...! Oh, yeah! The moral of today's Sailor Moon episode is twofold: First, each Sailor Scout gets to use her power exactly once per episode, and second, it's always someone who's good and nice who becomes a Shadow Warrior. Sailor Moon Says! Heeheehee! Today's Episode: Grandpa's Follies (1/15/96) Sailor Moon Says: Today, Rei learned that her Grandpa was an evil beast from the negaverse. Your grandpa probably is too, so you should go kill him now, before he has a chance to transform. Sailor Moon Says! Heeheehee! Today's Episode: Kitty Chaos (1/16/96) Sailor Moon Says: "If you've got a talking black cat named Luna, you should keep her indoors. If you don't, thousands of violent alley cats will hunt her down and try to kill her for no particular reason at all!" "Yes, and there might not be a huge fat blue cat named Hercules to rescue _your_ kitty!" "Sailor Moon Says! Heeheehee!" "Rowwwr!" Today's Episode: Tuxedo Melvin (1/17/96) Sailor Moon Says: "Melvin really surprised everyone today. Using shrimp as a weapon was a really good idea, and they look really cool right before he throws them!" "Yeah, I love a guy who will throw shrimp for me!" "Great. I hope she doesn't go into dwarf tossing. GET TO THE POINT!" "Oh yeah. Today, I learned that in some episodes, I'm allowed to use both "Mooon Heeeaaaling Activaaaation" _and_ "Mooon Tiaaaraa Maaaagiiic" and not have the spotlight stolen by any of the other scouts! Now, about those dwarves..." "SerenAAA!!" "Ahem. Sailor Moon Says! Heeheehee!" "Why me...?" Today's Episode: Sailor V Makes the Scene (1/18/95) Sailor Moon Says: "Today, I learned that there was an imposter Sailor Moon going around and doing good! "Yeah, what you're really mad about is that she didn't klutz out like you do all the time!" "Ohh, Rei, you're always so meeeaaan!! Waaaah!" "Ahem. Any way, today we learned an important lesson - if a Sailor Scout makes her appearance for the first time, she's allowed to use her power more than once!" "Sailor Moon Says... waaah!" "What did I do to deserve this?" Today's Episode: A Crystal Clear Destiny (1/19/96) Sailor Moon Says: "Today, we learned some very important lessons. First, I found out that I was a princess! Second, I learned that in some episodes, I don't get to use any of my powers at all!" "And what a shock that you didn't klutz out at all!" "I learned that I can detect anything at all with my VR visor!" "I learned that I should go into the demolition business!" "I learned that I can jump really high." "I didn't learn anything, since I didn't get to be in this episode!" "It's OK, Molly. I didn't learn anything either, and I was in the episode!" "Sailor Moon Says! Heeheehee!" Today's Episode: A Reluctant Princess (1/22/96) Sailor Moon Says: "It sounds great being a princess, but it's more than waving around a wand and wearing cool clothes. It means being able to order people around and make them do whatever you want them to! "You just _try_ and make me do something I don't want to!" "As your princess, I command you to lay off Darien!" "Well power hasn't changed her. That's good... right?" "Sailor Moon Says! Heeheehee!" Today's Episode: Bad Hair Day (1/23/96) Sailor Moon Says: Today, I learned a real easy way to make my hair beautiful! All I have to do is transform! Even though my hair was undone with shampoo all over it, when I turned into Sailor Moon, it instantly changed back to the way it always is! Neat! Sailor Moon Says! Heeheehee! Today's Episode: Little Miss Manners (1/24/96) Sailor Moon Says: "I've always wanted to be a princess. And today I got the chance! What I didn't realize was that all it takes is to be good throwing the discus! Why didn't I see it earlier?" "Because you were too busy stuffing your face?" "But it was chocolate cheeeeseeecaaakeee!! I loooooovee chocolate cheesecake!" "Oooohh, why me??" "Sailor Moon Says! Heeheehee!" Today's Episode: Ski Bunny Blues (1/25/96) Sailor Moon Says: "Today I was rather upset. I realised that every single activity I participate in is a plot by the Negaverse!" "You'd think she'd learn eventually..." "At least the Negaverse's plots are always the _stupidest_ half-baked ideas I've ever seen. I'm still trying to figure out the logic of why the moon princess had to be one of the winners of the ski race." "I still think that _I_ should be the princess!" "Too bad! It's meee! Pbbbbbbthh!" "Not very princess-like, is she? Sigh." "Sailor Moon Says! Heeheehee!" Today's Episode: Ice Princess (1/26/96) Sailor Moon Says: "I used to be a good skater. But I found out that I'm not any more!" "You're not good at much, Serena." "What I'm wondering is why Serena always heals the humans _before_ she heals Tuxedo Mask!" "Ummm.... Sailor Moon Says! Heeheehee!" Today's Episode: Last Resort (1/29/96) Sailor Moon Says: "I have great friends. It's incredible how they're always there for me!" "Yes, we even show up out of nowhere with no explanations!" "And noone even questions our being there." "Now those are qualities of really great friends. Sailor Moon Says! Heeheehee!" Today's Episode: Tuxedo Unmasked (1/30/96) Sailor Moon Says: "Today, Amy got really lucky." "Yes, I finally admitted my feelings for Greg!" "I was _talking_ about how you got to use your powers _three_ times!" "Just ignore her, Amy. It doesn't matter whether or not you admitted your feelings for him, though, because he's just going to move away again next episode." "Yeah, too bad, too. He'd be a great help to the Scouts!" "Sailor Moon Says! Or at least _trys_ to say, with all of you jumping in and stealing the spotlight and...." "Kids? Any of you watching want to be the new Sailor Moon? Great pay, all you can eat...." Today'd Episode: Fractious Friends (1/31/96) Sailor Moon Says: "Today the Sailor Scouts were fighting to fool Malachite. But some of it was real." "Darn right it was real! _I_ should be leader, not you! You only used your powers once today, while I used them three times!!" "Well, by that logic I should be leader, because I used my powers three times yesterday!" "Actually, I've found a _new_ leader for your group. Meet..." "Sailor Molly! Champion of justice! And-" "Tuxedo Melvin! With the shrimp of steel!" "Sailor Molly says! Heeheehee!" Today's Episode: The Past Returns (2/1/96) Sailor Moon Says: "The title of today's episode was very appropriate. This is the third time the past has returned... and look for more upcoming reruns!" "Today we learned that Queen Beryl did a terrible thing when she destroyed the moon." "You should try to avoid doing that; even more, though, you should try to avoid using such phrases as 'surfer boy,' 'hasta la vista, pretty boy,' and 'majorly toasted, pretty boy.'" "Sailor Moon Says! Heeheehee!" Today's Episode: Day of Destiny (2/2/96) Sailor Moon Says: "Today started out bad for the scouts. And it got worse. But not as bad as the original Japanese Sailor Moon - all the scouts die there! So today I learned the most important lesson of all - some things are just too strong for American TV! Sailor Moon Says! Heeheehee!" Today's episode: The Return of Sailor Moon (2/5/96) Sailor Moon Says: "Today I learned that life stinks. Not only am I chased by a monster who knows its name and tells everyone, and turned back into Sailor Moon, but _now_ I have to go through at least 13 more episodes of re-runs! At least I'll get a cool new attack. Sailor Moon Says. Bleah." Today's Episode: So You Want to be In Pictures (2/6/96) Sailor Moon Says: "Today the Sailor Scouts remembered me, but Darien didn't. Which is kind of funny, since in yesterday's episode he called me 'Meatball Head'." "Today I learned that I can kick Negaverse butt even when I don't remember I'm a Sailor Scout! Cool!" "Sailor Moon Says! Heeheehee!" Today's Episode: A Knight to Remember (2/7/96) Sailor Moon Says: "Today I learned that all of Ann and Alan's cardians are female, even though the lion today sounded male! I also learned that the Moonlight Knight makes really stupid speeches, and that evil lions can claw me with no effect!" "Today I learned that if I'm talking to fire, I don't have to move my mouth! I also discovered that Dic edited out the figure in the background of my attacks that was there yesterday!" "I learned that I shouldn't channel electricity through my body right after I'm weak from giving blood. I also learned that Ken looks just like Ami's friend Greg!" "Sailor Moon Says! Heeheehee!" Today's Episode: VR Madness (2/8/96) Sailor Moon Says: "Today (just like most days), I gave away half of the plot before the episode even began! 'Today on Sailor Moon...' I learned a couple of hard lessons as well. I found out that Darien and the Moonlight Knight aren't the same person after all. I also found out that my Dad has no chest hair. And I learned that the Sailor Scouts can slide around without even moving their legs! Sailor Moon Says! Heeheehee!" "What I want to learn is why she laughs at the end of every one of these!" Today's Episode: Cherry Blossom Time (2/9/96) Sailor Moon Says: "My friends and I fight a lot, especially Rei and me. But they sure came through for me today, wow! "That's what friendship is all about - getting stuck in a cherry tree and leaving you to fight the Negaverse all by yourself!" "Sailor Moon Says! Heeheehee!" Today's Episode: Kindergarten Chaos (2/12/96) Sailor Moon Says: "Today I learned a bunch of new insults! Mina has a real big vocabulary that I never would have suspected!" "Well, being harassed by several little _maggots_ tends to bring out the worst in me!" "That explains the new attack. It wasn't the monster - it was the kids!" "That's right! And if any one of them ever denies my existence again...." "Uh-oh! Sailor Moon Says! Heeheehee!" Today's Episode: Much Ado About Babysitting (2/13/96) Sailor Moon Says: "Babies! They were everywhere today!" "Yes, I've noticed a pattern. Yesterday the Negaverse attacked toddlers, and today babies! According to my calculations, tomorrow the Negaverse will attack human embryos!" "Well, at least they won't 'throw up' on people! Sailor Moon Says! Heeheehee!" SM Says: Raye's Day In the Spotlight (2/14/96) Sailor Moon Says: "Today they spelled Rei's name wrong! Ha ha ha!" "Yeah, but at least I got to yell at people and lie to my friends." "And those squid costumes that Ann and Alan were wearing are really cool! I want one!" "Sailor Moon Says! Heeheehee!" Today's Episode: Food Fetish (2/15/96) Sailor Moon Says: "Today I learned that everybody likes Alan, and everybody liks the Moonlight Knight - even Amy! I also learned that Amy can type really really really fast with one hand!" "I learned that I can transform into Sailor Mercury without it being shown! This is a new problem for my Grand Unified Theory of the Sailor Scouts (GUTSS)!" "I learned that I can toast my friends and get away with it! Cool!" "I learned that if I get p.o.'d I can toast anyone, and that Ann's tounge is green! I also learned that our show is promoted less than Bananas in Pajamas. Just lemme at one of those bananas, I'll show 'em who's deserving of promotion...!" "I learned that Alan can jump really high, just like me!" "We got to be in this episode! Yaaaay!" Today's Episode: Mirror Mirror On the Wall (2/16/96) Sailor Moon Says: "Today, everyone wanted to be Snow White. But Ann got the part, because she cheated!" "Yes, and cheating is wrong, no matter how big or little." "Yeah, but I still wish I'd thought of it. Sailor Moon Says! Heeheehee!" Today's Episode: Detention Doldrums (2/19/96) Sailor Moon Says: "Today I learned that Miss H changes moods really quick!" "I learned that I have classes all the time, even after school when Serena has detention!" "And today I learned that when I have to pick a cardian by myself, it doesn't turn out very well." "Sailor Moon Says! Heeheehee!" Today's Episode: Secret Garden (2/20/96) Sailor Moon Says: "Today there was another imposter Sailor Moon! But luckily she was even less competent than me --" "That's hard to believe." "I'm ignoring you!" "Today I learned that Ann wears exactly the same thing two days in a row, and Darien wears exactly the same thing every day!" "I got drained of energy again. Why me?" "I learned that you shouldn't get a huge tree p.o.'d, or it will eat your building." "Sailor Moon Says! Heeheehee!" Today's Episode: Treed (2/21/96) Sailor Moon Says: "Today I screwed up. I accidentally used 'Moooooon Sceeeeptrrrreee Elllliiimmminaaaatiiioon!' instead of 'Moooooon Heeeaaaaalling Activaaaaatiiiiooooon!' Luckily, the animators covered up for me and healed the tree any way." "I learned an important lesson today - I can kick really high!" "But none of us could jump really high today - I wonder why." "Darien remembered everything today, and that's good. I still can't figure out _why_ he remembered, though. Is it getting beat up that does it?" "And if so, can we beat Serena up come test time to make _her_ remember the material?" "I'll volunteer for that job!" "Yeah, you just try it, Rei. Sailor Moon Says! Heeheehee!" Today's Episode: Serena Times Two (2/22/96) Sailor Moon Says: "Today I found out that Dic can finally play all the episodes in order!" "Yes, but since when do you yell 'Moon _Star_ Power to change into Sailor Moon?" "Umm.... Sailor Moon Says! Heeheehee!" Today's Episode: Cosmetics Caper (2/23/96) Sailor Moon Says: "Today... -sniff- Darien.... dumped me." "You know, I've always wondered what makes that Luna Ball of Reeny's float." "And I wonder why all the Nega-(insert place here) creatures are afraid of Tuxedo Mask's rose." "Hey! Doesn't anybody care about my problems?" "No." "Sailor Moon says. Waaaaaaah!" Today's Episode: Mercury Moving On? (2/26/96) Sailor Moon Says: "Today Ami was going to move to Germany. I felt bad for her, because she'd miss all of her friends." "Not to mention trashing Negaverse monsters every day!" "Yes, apparently the Negaverse only does anything in Tokyo, right where we live, so I'd miss the constant violence and evil monsters." "Today I learned an important lesson - it's no fun to be made into a kitty-cicle." "Sailor Moon Says! Heeheehee!" Today's Episode: Gramps in a Pickle (2/27/96) Sailor Moon Says: "Today I learned that no matter what happens, monsters from the Negamoon with no fashion sense will come after me can make disparaging comments on my attire." "Woah! I wasn't aware that Serena knew so many big words!" "Sailor Moon Says! Heeheehee!" Today's Episode: Trouble Comes Thundering Down (2/28/96) Sailor Moon Says: "Rain or shine, I'm happiest, when I'm with Tuxedo Mask..." "Aaaaaagh! Please, stop!" "I think you should have left her in that pool to collect lightning..." "He makes me sing, he makes me laugh, I just love Tuxedo Mask! Sailor Reeny Says! Heeheehee!" Today's Episode: A Charmed Life (2/29/96) Sailor Moon Says: "Today someone finally questioned why that Luna ball of Reeny's floats! How can she wander around for two weeks without anyone wondering?" "The same way that no one notices that we look exactly like the Sailor Scouts." "So why do you keep on switching between 'Moon Crystal Power' and 'Moon Star Power'?" "Umm.... uhh.... Sailor Moon Says! Heeheehee!" "Yeah, that's your excuse for everything, isn't it?" Today's Episode: A Curried Favor (3/1/96) Sailor Moon Says: "Mina has been giving me cursing lessons, as I'm sure you've all noticed." "Sure! Fungus, spore, disease, all those wonderful words.... I'm just a master!" "Sailor Moon Says, you diseased fungus spores! Heeheehee!" Today's Episode: Naughty 'N Nice (3/4/96) Sailor Moon Says: "Little kids can be really annoying sometimes, especially Reeny, who qualifies as a spore, fungus, and amoeba." "Hey, those are _my_ words!" "Did anyone notice that Luna seems to be getting beat up a lot lately?" "Yes, poor me! And did you notice that Rubeus looks remarkably like Darien from the side?" "I noticed that I'm way taller than everyone else." "Sailor Moon Says! Heeheehee!" Today's Episode: Prediction of Doom (3/5/96) Sailor Moon Says: "I noticed today that all the male characters (well, except Zoicite) look the same!" "Yes, Darien looks like Alan, who looks like Rubeus, who looks like Nephlyte! They're all connected!" "I noticed that Darien wore different clothes for a change." "Sailor Moon Says! Heeheehee!" Today's Episode: Enemies no More (3/6/96) Sailor Moon Says: "Raise your hand if you could tell from the title that today's episode was going to be really cheesy!" "We could!" "Sailor Moon Says! Heeheehee!" Today's Episode: Checkmate (3/7/96) Sailor Moon Says: "Today Ami got to play chess! Yet we still had an action packed episode! Amazing!" "Yes, only in Sailor Moon would we have an enemy who plays chess to destroy an opponent." "Only in Sailor Moon would playing chess actually hurt someone!" "Well, I guess we've all learned important lessons today. Or not. Sailor Moon Says! Heeheehee!" Today's Episode: Sibling Rivalry (3/8/96) Sailor Moon Says: "Wow, today's episode was sure a cliffhanger! I can't wait until Monday to see what will happen next!" "Do I detect a hint of sarcasm?" "More than just a hint. Sailor Moon Says! Heeheehee!"