The Pony Ride, 
or 
Stealing the Electric Mattress

It all started innocently enough.  Ben and I were going to "obtain"
a mattress.  Little that I know I would be threatened with hanging
before the end of the day.

We slipped quietly out of town headed into the wilderness of
May-retta early in the morning with nothing but a couple of apples
to nourish us.  I drove, while Ben hacked government code for me.
On the way, Ben attempted to peg a cat with his apple core, but missed.
I discovered a Citgo in the middle of nowhere which I had visited 
before.  Ben called me a bastard liar.  All was good.

We arrived at our destination around midday, famished.  Ben was
cranky.  It was then I discovered that we were not getting a
mattress in a purely legal sense: we had to sneak into a house while
the poor owner was asleep and liberate said mattress with the
help of a stranded damsel.  Ben bought her lunch and gas for
her assistance in the matter.  Then, having worn out our welcome in
that part of town, and fearing the wrath of the mattress-less
individuals of that county, we fled.  We passed the Citgo in the
middle of nowhere which I have since not returned to.  

Cruising down the windy tree-lined roads at a respectable clip, we 
rounded a corner and saw to our fear and amazement two ponies 
blocking our road!  We locked the brakes, pulled over to the side of
the road, and shot the tires out of a couple passing cars to save
the innocent beasts.  We followed them up to a house, where Ben
distracted an enormous black dog my flirting with it, while I
reconnoitered.  It was then, while Ben was in a passionate embrace
with the dog, and I was attempting to discover the secret of the
horses, that the cops showed up.  They leapt from their car, saved
the dog from Ben's affections, and helped us guide the horses back
into their pens.  Then, eyeing us suspiciously, they  asked what we 
knew about mattress thieves, and reminded us that the punishment for 
horse-rustling in Georgia is still hanging.  

Later, Ben told me I should have asked the hot cop out.  "Ben, I'm
taken.  You should have asked her out."

"Carl!  She had a ring!"

Sighing for our loss, but relieved to not be arrested, we climbed
back into the truck.  After circumventing another police road block
(they really wanted to catch them mattress thieves) and busting up a
construction zone, we made it back to Ben's.  The mattress shocked
us roughly 10 times, through the built up static electricity.  Or maybe
it was the car battery Ben hooked up to it.  I'd had enough, though.
Next time I'm just saying "No".