When I'm feeling inspired, I sometimes write poetry. (Actually, I tend to think of my poetry not so much as poetry, but more like 'ambiguous rants'.) Poetry isn't really my thing, and a lot of my poetry doesn't rhyme. As they say, the best poetry is written when you're heartbroken, angry, sad, etc., so that's why most of my poetry has a dark and depressing undertone. I'm not very good at writing happy poetry. I don't claim to be a good poet (not at all!) but I thought I would put some of my poetry online because I thought maybe someone could relate. Hey, and at least it's something to read if you're bored.
To see poetry I wrote while I was in high school, go here: High School Poetry
The poetry on this page is what I've written while in college.
Just click on the name of the poem to read it, or scroll through the entire page.
Nightmares Are Reality
All My Best
Love, You Let Me Down
Perfection
High School Story
Failure Leads To Misery
How Can You Do This To Me?
No One
What They Don't Know
You Fool
Slipping Away
Love
How Could I
Perfect Fake
Would You?
Love Isn't Enough
I Can't Fix This
Love Is Not A Fairytale
Sick of Me
Such A Fool
Love Me, Hurt Me
Heartbreak & Tears
The Past
Without You
Caution, Careful
The Truth
somebody wake me up
and tell me that i'm dreaming
that this nightmare isn't real
that it's just my imagination
i struggle with that feeling
creeping up on me again
i look for him and realize he's not here
and sadness begins to set in
a tear makes its slow journey
sliding down my face
leaving behind a trail of sorrow
that never seems to fade
i want him to be here
i miss him so much
it seems every part of me hurts
from not being able to feel his touch
i just need to feel his arms around me
to stop this pain i'm in
but the realization that he won't be there
overwhelms me and drowns me again
i'm drowning in tears
drowning in despair
feeling as though i'm asphyxiating
i can't seem to find air
in my mind i keep thinking
that this is just a passing phase
that down the road and later in my life
everything will be back to the same
i don't want to face reality
but the simple fact is
there are no second chances
and this can't be fixed
the notion that he's not coming back
that he'll never be mine again
that he won't be by my side
is inconceivable to comprehend
reality hits me like a slap in the face
and i know that i have to say goodbye
but the pain is so blinding
that i just want to die
i pray that this is just a nightmare
and one day he'll come and wake me up
telling me i'm the one he wants for life
telling me i'm the one he'll always love
i try to be strong
but every time you break me down
i try to move on
but these tears keep coming around
i try to ignore you but my anger gets the best of me
i just can't let you go
i know i should
but i don't want to
i can't stop thinking about you
you left me
but i'd never leave you
i tried so hard
i was the best i could be
but i guess my best just wasn't good enough
because if it was
you'd still be here with me
i loved you
i supported you
i trusted you
i gave you all the freedom in the world
so where did i go wrong?
anger keeps coming back to haunt me
and i just want to know
why won't you stay with me?
after everything i did
hundreds of love notes
you had my respect and admiration
in every word i wrote
i adored you
tried to do everything for you
to make you happy and see you smile
if you wanted to go i let you go
if you wanted to stay i let you stay
and even when i wanted you with me
i'd put you before myself
and i'd let you be free
what more could you ask for?
i was a kind, understanding friend
if everybody walked out on you
i would be the last one standing in the end
i understood all your little quirks
everything that made you who you are
and any flaws you had
i accepted with open arms
it didn't matter what you did
nothing could make me love you less
and i gave you everything i had
i gave you all my best
love,
why did you break my heart?
instead of keeping us together
you let us fall apart
love,
i thought we were a team
i believed in you
but you weren't what you seemed
love,
i thought you were my friend
but friends don't hurt each other
and love, you hurt me in the end
love,
in you i was so sure
but then you failed me
now what are you good for?
love,
why did you let me down?
now i can't trust you anymore
i wish you never came around
some say that nothing is perfect
and i used to agree
i had never experienced perfection
and i didn't believe
to me, perfection didn't exist
but then my beliefs were changed
the very moment we kissed
now i can say i've experienced perfection
i've found it in him
in us
in moments we've shared
i've seen heaven from the inside
and i'm all too aware
of how it feels to fly
when my feet are still on the ground
i know how it feels
when time seems to stand still
blissfully losing myself in his eyes
he's all i can see
the happiest moments of my life
were the moments he spent with me
his touch on my skin
takes my breath away
and it's as if time stops completely
the best nights were spent with him
staring into the most beautiful brown eyes i've ever seen
curled up in his embrace
his arms around me
protecting me
making me feel safe
waking up and looking over
and seeing him sleeping next to me
breathing softly
when we're together
no words exist to describe
how he makes me feel
and i have to question myself over and over again
"is this real?
is this really happening?
or is this just a dream?"
but i'm not sleeping
he's just a dream come true
and i can't believe i found him
i can't believe i found perfection
he knows everyone
my friends are few
he does everything
i just sit in my room
he's so accomplished
and i'm just hidden from view
it's like high school all over again
he's the popular jock
and i'm the invisible girl
everybody knows his name
and not a soul knows mine
he goes to all the parties
so social
always having a good time
i'm the girl who is never invited
so lonely
always wishing i had his life
he's got his friends
his impenetrable clique
i'd never be accepted
no matter what i did
i watch him from afar
wanting what i can't have
he's so outgoing
and me so shy
he always knows what to say
it seems like he never has to try
he's so far above me
and i'm so lucky
that one day that popular boy
reached out his hand
and found me in the dark
he managed to see what no one else could see
no longer invisible
i was the one by his side
how i managed to do it i'll never know
he's the best of the best
and i'm the lowest of low
an unlikely couple
two people from two different worlds
i'm sure everyone has to wonder
who is she?
and what did he see in her?
but the invisible girl is all smiles
invisible no more
finally the girl no one saw
is the girl everyone sees
he opened my eyes
to a new kind of life
it was a perfect fairytale
being a part of that privileged world
the invisible girl
while once an ugly duckling
was now a beautiful swan
i wondered how i got so lucky
to be the girlfriend of that popular guy
but what were once harmless worries
turned into lingering doubts
what did he see in me?
i couldn't see myself as his girlfriend
i couldn't fill those shoes
the expectations were so high
and i had everything to lose
but i remained by his side
and we seemed destined for a happy ending
but everyone knows mismatched couples can't last
real life isn't a fairytale
the popular jock doesn't marry the invisible girl
for a while i was part of the world
that i could only watch from the outside before
but it had to end
i couldn't stay forever
the story doesn't have a happily ever after ending
the invisible girl had to stop pretending
the popular boy let go of her hand
and she faded into the background
she never did have a fighting chance
i'm back where i belong now
and social order is restored again
i'm the shy, lonely girl
invisible to him
and now i can only reminisce
about how things could have been
i'm pushed out, left out
and really missing him
i'm the invisible girl again
and it seems these tears have no end
it's the typical high school story
he's the popular jock
and i'm the invisible girl
watching him from afar
wanting what i can't have
i wasn't cheated on
i wasn't lied to
i wasn't decieved
i'm just not wanted anymore
and i'd rather it'd have been the other three
knowing i failed to make you happy
makes me feel hurt and so angry
and i can't help but be resentful
of everything that makes you laugh
everything that makes you smile
everything that makes you happier
than you'd ever be with me
i'm so angry with myself
angry and disappointed
that i could never be
every little thing that you needed
i think that the moment i knew
that i didn't make you happy
was the day when i asked you
"what makes your night a perfect ten?"
and you looked at me and said
"going out and having fun
and going dancing with my friends"
i was quiet
i felt hurt but i still gave you a smile
then you asked me in return
and with pure love and adoration in my eyes
this is what i replied
"any night spent with you
makes my night a perfect ten"
and that's the honest truth
you made me so happy
and it's a crying shame
that i couldn't do the same
but now you're finally having fun
you're out there having the time of your life
you're getting everything you want
while i'm sitting here, missing you and crying
how can you do this to me?
how can you still laugh with me
like nothing has changed
how can you call me friend
how can you speak my name?
how can you still confide in me
how can you still look at me
and with that familiar glance
share a silent joke
and make me laugh
how can you still care
and how can you still be there
but yet we can't be together
it just doesn't seem fair
how can you still touch me
your hand on my shoulder before you say goodbye
or holding me in your lap while i cry
how can you still rub my back
or place a protecting hand upon me
all while you're sitting beside me
watching over me while i sleep
like a guardian angel that i can't keep
if it's all still the same
and not much has changed
then why are we here
in this unkind place
we're not together
but we're not apart
and all these blurred lines
just cause confusion in my heart
i'm angry with you
for being so close and yet so far
but there's nothing i can do
so how can you do this to me
knowing i love you more than i want to
you've made it impossible for me to ever love anyone but you
because no other man can measure up
or do the things that you do
no one will ever be as caring as you
they won't know how to fix me when i'm broken
like how you picked me up off the floor
set me in your lap and held me close
until i wasn't crying anymore
no one else will brush the tears from my cheeks
or gently stroke my hair
comforting me with the sound of their voice when they speak
telling me "Rhe, everything's going to be okay"
no one will ever make me laugh
like the way i laugh when i'm with you
they won't know how to make me smile
they won't do all the silly things you do
no one can be as much fun as you
because no one can brighten up a room
like the way you always seem to do
the moment you walk through the door
no one will ever be as smart and helpful
you taught me almost everything
you were always so patient with me
never rude or condescending
no one else would be willing to take the time
they would never have your patience
or try as hard as you try
they wouldn't understand me like you do
no one will ever look as good as you
you're the best looking man i've ever seen
you're my tall, dark, and handsome
the man of all of my dreams
everyone else seems so lackluster
unimpressive when stood next to you
i'll never find another
with a smile as cute as yours
no one will ever be as respectful
you're so polite and considerate
and i'll always be grateful
to have had a guy like you
no one will make me feel as safe as you do
you were always with me when i walked through the dark
you were my protector
and i always felt safe in your arms
no one else will be as romantic
you said the sweetest things
you got me hundreds of flowers
you even bought me Tiffany's
your words never failed
to bring tears to my eyes
and i'll cherish everything you ever said
i'll remember your words for the rest of my life
you're the example
that every man should follow
when most guys are clueless
you're the one who knows it all
you're the sweetest guy i've ever met
and no one else will ever treat me as well as you did
you taught me so many things
that i'll keep with me as long as i live
i'll never be able to love another
because no matter what they do
they'll never compare
they'll never be able to live up to you
it's almost a shame
that you had to be my first love
because i've been spoiled by you
spoiled by your touch
you're what i've spent my life searching for
you're that one in a million
that once in a lifetime
that never happens again
you're the best person i've ever known
and i know i wouldn't ever want to let you go
but now i have to live with the fact
that choosing to keep you is out of my control
i've lost the best thing that will ever happen to me
and all i can do is watch helplessly
as you walk away from me
and i'm left standing here alone
i've known the absolute best life can be
but now i have to live with just the memory
forever remembering what it was like
to have been loved by an angel in disguise
i'll have to live the rest of my life
knowing you're out there somewhere
knowing there's a man who is better
than any man i'll ever find
it's been over two months
since the worst day of my life
everyone thinks i'm better
and the pain has diminished over time
but what they don't know
is that i'm still dying inside
i smile and laugh
like everything is fine
hiding behind a mask
living a lie
putting on an act
so no one can see the pain inside
they don't see me struggle every morning
they don't see the hopelessness in my eyes
when i wake up and have to deal with the fact
that he's no longer in my life
they don't see me try to cope with
this reality i can't fix
no one sees me cry
alone in the dark
when i'm missing him at night
no one knows
that i still think of him all the time
and that everytime he leaves
i still fall apart and cry
as if my heart is breaking all over again
no one knows that every night i pray
praying he'll come back to me
praying it's all one big mistake
i hide my pain so well
that i'm fooling absolutely everyone
everyone except myself
i feel like everyone is staring at me
laughing and whispering:
you fool, did you really think it was gonna last?
you're honestly so pathetic
still giving him everything you have
still loving him just the same
naive little girl
can't you see it's over?
it doesn't matter how much you try to regain his love
he'll never love you again
that should have been clear the day he left you
he doesn't need you around
he doesn't want you to stay
he doesn't want anything to do with you
but you just won't go away
and everything you ever did for him
was all just in vain
you claim that love is blind
but in fact it's you
who needs to open up your eyes
your love
it used to be strong and whole
something i could keep
something i could hold onto
but then it shattered
turning into grains of sand
a million little pieces
slipping through my hands
as much as i try to hold on
i can't keep what is no longer mine
i can do nothing but watch helplessly
as your love drifts away with time
love
the hardest thing i've ever done
nothing can compare
to the joy and the pain
simultaneously and apart
to have my heart
torn from my chest
and then put back in
and sewn up
over and over again
how could i let you go
not knowing what's on the other side
what if it's worse without you
worse than the reasons why i cry
how could i take that risk
and gamble with love
what if i walk through that door
only to find i want to run right back
could it be better on the other side?
there's an equal chance
but i disagree
a world without you
is no world at all for me
i'd only be searching in vain
trying to find what i already had
trying to find what i left behind
i'm perfection
perfect hair
dyeing
styling
curling
straightening
obsessed with detail
every inch must be perfect
not a hair out of place
i'll paint on my face
foundation
cover up the flaws
eyeliner
eye shadow
mascara
blush
lip balm
pencil in my eyebrows
make me what i'm not
push-up
low cut
tighter and form fitting
my clothes must flatter
adjusting
matching
coordinating everything
touch up my hair
touch up my make-up
look in the mirror one last time
stare at my reflection
am i pretty
am i hot
am i beautiful
or am i not
maybe plastic surgery would help
augmentation here
lipo there
change my shape
change my hair
all my time focused on
striving for perfection
this make-up is a mask
my appearance just a fraud
a guise; a facade
pretentious and put-on
after all my efforts
after all i've done
i may be fooling everyone
except myself
only i know the truth
i'm perfection
i'm a perfect fake
Would You?
if given a choice
which would you choose?
the existing or the unknown?
would you trade what you know
what you love
and give it up
for what you've never seen with your eyes?
never felt
never held
never whispered the words 'i love you'
never kissed
never touched
would you never look into my eyes again,
so you could look into the eyes of someone you've never met?
would you let go of my hand forever,
to hold one you've never held?
would you turn down my promise to love you no matter what,
for someone who may never love you at all?
would you let me walk out of your life forever,
to let someone new walk in?
would you give me up?
would you?
if there is one thing i've learned
it's that love isn't enough
it doesn't matter
how much you love someone
how much you adore their touch
their every word
their very presence
if you're not exactly what they want
if you're not the person they've dreamed up
then it won't be enough
it doesn't matter how well you get along
how much you care for them
how happy you are to see them
how you can talk to them about anything
it doesn't matter what you feel for one another
love, trust, honesty - those don't mean a thing
they aren't important
what is important
is how similar you are
is how everything looks on paper
it's all the technicalites that really matter
not the love
not what you feel
those don't count for anything
nothing at all
because love doesn't mean a thing apparently
because love just isn't enough
i cry
how could you?
how could you give me up?
i'm here
i'll always be here
please don't ignore me
please don't leave me
i'm sorry
i'm so sorry
i can't be right for you
i can't be what you want
i can't be what you need
i wish i were different
but i cannot change what i am
and i hate myself
because i can't fix this
i was so foolish to believe in love
to believe that love could be enough
to believe that love was all i needed
love is not the fairytale
that people would like to believe it is
for the only ones who believe in love
are those who have never been in love
they have never been burned
been let down
been disappointed
had their heart torn from their chest and stomped on
mangled
shredded to pieces
those who have never been in love
watch from the outside
they press their faces to the glass
and they see wonderful things
but they do not know that the glass which they look through
distorts what they see
twists their perception
they believe that love is enough
and as long as you love the other person
and the other person loves you
than that is all you need
and then one day they will fall in love
and they will quickly find out
that love is not enough
that love cannot overcome
and they will fall hard
all the expectations and hopes they had
will be crushed
smothered
stomped out
and they will see that love is a dangerous game
full of lies
a farce
for they will love someone
only to be told
it's not enough
"i love you,
but it's not enough"
and then they will know
there is no fairytale
are you sick of seeing my face?
the face you used to love you now love to hate?
do you hate to be around me now?
can you not stand the sound of my voice?
the voice that once made you smile
does it annoy you now?
do you abhor my touch?
when i reach for your hand
do you want to pull yours away?
do you wish you could avoid my embrace?
when i put my arms around you
does it make you want to push me away?
do you hate the adoring words i speak?
when i tell you i love you
does it make you want to hate me instead?
are you tired of my smile?
and rather than smiling back
do you want to smack me across the face instead?
are you living a lie?
you seem so genuine
but could it all be a guise?
do you secretly loathe me
and want to say goodbye?
"i love you"
the words which once came so easily
the words which you once meant
are they now just a part of your lie?
are they just empty now,
like how you feel when you look in my eyes?
if you're sick of being around me
if you're tired of seeing my face
don't keep me here and hurt me
just tell me to go away
i was such a fool to believe
in a fairytale that wasn't real
yet every word i took as truth
and every promise i cling to still
a dream when i'm sleeping
a dream when i'm awake
but a dream is just a dream
nothing more
never real
what do i do when the person who makes me fall apart is the only one who can put me back together?
what do i do when the person who makes me so angry is the one person i can't be mad at?
what do i do when the person who can hurt me more than anyone ever can is the only one who can make the hurt go away?
what do i do when the person who makes me cry is the one who dries my tears?
what do i do when the person who breaks my heart is the one who makes me happier than i've ever been?
hurt me, love me
love me, hurt me
it would be alright
if you never promised anything
but that's the problem you see
you promised everything
you lied to me
left me here lonely
clinging only to a memory
a fantasy
of what could so easily be
but of what will never be
you keep me here waiting
alone with only my doubts and my fears
and all that's left of me
is heartbreak and tears
there are times it seems
i'm only living for the memories
the present doesn't measure up to the past
and all i can do is reminisce
about how things used to be
how can i go on
if i can't move forward
if i'm stuck in the past
unable to let it go
holding out and hoping
that one day it will be like it was
but you can't relive the past
what's gone is gone
and it's not coming back
memories so good they hurt
instead of smiling i feel like crying
my life then was a fairytale
i was floating, flying
so high i thought i could never come down
fast forward
my life a sad shell
of what once was
hollow and lonely
i cling to the memories
they're the only thing keeping me alive
i live to recall
the nights where i felt so much
that words couldn't describe anything at all
i'm sitting here alone
with tears in my eyes
even though i know
it's not always easy
it shouldn't have to be this hard
they say a fool for love
is a fool for pain
i love you but
it shouldn't have to hurt this much
and i'm tired of feeling this way
i can't go back
but what if i could
would i change the past
would it be for better
would it be for good?
sometimes i wish i never knew you
sometimes i wish we had never happened
what if i chose to skip the day i met you
what would my life be now?
i wouldn't ever be missing you
and wishing you were here
there would be no broken promises
no more heartache and disappointment
i wouldn't have to cry
and i would never know what it means
to live without you in my life
caution
careful
the ice on which you tread is thin
the edge on which you walk is weak
if you slip
you will certainly fall
and once you fall
you will not get back up
so i warn you
be wise and not foolish
for once mistakes such as these are made
they cannot be undone
i wish someone would just ask me for the truth
ask me to give it to them straight
to hold nothing back
no matter how much it may hurt
no matter how many lies it may reveal
to reveal all that i have hidden
to unmask all the emotions i have carefully concealed
living a lie is a burden that is hard to bear
it eats me from the inside
and what i truly feel fights to be revealed
fights to be freed
from the walls i put around it
my true feelings are trapped
prisoners of my own making
i'm living my life as a prison guard
day in and day out
it wears me down
but i cannot release my true feelings
because i do not hold the key
the one who holds the key
is the one that the truth is about
and if they would sit me down
and ask me for complete honesty
and ask me for the truth
and nothing but the truth
the whole truth
then they will have it
for they have handed me the key
and my job as the prison guard will be no more
my true feelings will be known
and the truth will be set free
that is why of all things
i wish someone would just ask me for the truth