Dancing Alone
Personally I have always felt like I was one of those guys you see n movies that could get any girl and not have a care in the world. Well I have known for a while now that I do have some cares in this world but I didn’t realize that the whole dream was just that, a dream. I had been deluding myself to some strange level of thought and missed the fact that I was being a terrible boyfriend to some girls.
I have this friend who I have known since middle school. Now we go here together and he has always seemed like the old guy. That is what I think keeps our friendships in tact. I am a very transient sort of guy and he is just the opposite. Getting him to switch his cable plan is like getting him to pull his own teeth. I think that really it was from him that I got the idea that I was this big macho kind of guy. Even though I don’t like the image personally, I always really wanted that.
The other day I was talking to him about his girlfriend issues he’s been having lately and it went just as usual. He told about all of the horrible things she makes him do. He laid out all of the various places she goes and things she does with her time that to him are just ridiculous. When he was in the middle of this whole racket I had a moment of clarity about the old buy. I saw him for what he really is. He is just struggling to realize that no one is perfect for him, because he doesn’t feel perfect in himself. He spends every one of his many short relationships just nagging and picking. Then he accuses the girl of being the one doing that very same thing. This is where the majority of them have ended for him.
We hung for the rest of the day and when he left I immediately began to think about how much of an influence he had been on me. When the person you look up to does something wrong, you try not to notice. I had been trying very hard to never to notice his problems and the horrible ways in which eh dealt with his problems. This why it took me so long, until I had nothing else to gain from him, that I realized that this is not the kind of person I want to be.
I know I’m getting a bit heavy here, more so than usual, but when you have realizations like this you just can’t help but let it out. If you don’t do that at least, then you really haven’t learned a thing.