Skank of Love
I was channel surfing the other night and turned on VH1 hoping to watch some music videos. I don't know what I was thinking because I can't tell you the last time I saw an actual music video on either MTV or VH1. Instead they had a reality show on called "Rock of Love" with Bret Michaels of Poison. Reality shows always have some sort of prize to offer the winner, but the best I could tell was the prize was Bret Michaels and several girls were vying for his affections. Ooooh, one of these skanks could win the heart of a washed up hair band singer who has committed the cardinal hair band sin and lost most of his hair? He has an array of bandanas and cowboy hats that he wears in various combinations, but who is he trying to fool? No guy covers his head 24/7 unless he is balding and trying to hide it.
There were a variety of women on the show, but stripper seemed to be the most common occupation amongst the group. It was very convenient that they had a stripper pole and an unending supply of liquor in the house. On the first night one girl got so trashed that she couldn't even make it to the elimination ceremony. I bet her parents were proud when they saw her puking on national TV. There was a stripper from France who had augmented every part of her body except for her brain and another one from the Ukraine that could possibly have been a male. Another girl was married and had restraining orders on her last two husbands and there were a couple of women who seemed to be about my mom's age.
By the second show half of the girls were in love with Bret and fighting amongst each other for his affections. There were stupid completions to win a date with Bret. Football in a muddy field, which I have to say wasn't too bad to watch, catching a greased pig, ATV racing, rodeo riding and roller derby racing with a doll? What was that all about?
One by one the skanks are eliminated by either getting a backstage pass or not. We get to meet their past boyfriends who seemed to be on the show to promote their lame bands and finally their parents are brought on. Now everyone in your hometown knows your daughter works the pole. That's OK; it looks like mom may be familiar with the pole as well. That's nice; they are keeping the family tradition.
Finally we are down to the last few contestants and they are off to Mexico for a romantic weekend. Gee, I wonder if anyone can tell if they comped the room in exchange for free advertising? Maybe they can show the hotel logo one more time? The last two girls fight with each other and sleep with Bret. Now he has to choose his skank of love…who will it be? Daisy another highly augmented stripper with grouper-like lips or Amber the 40 something talk show host with skunk striped hair.
Do you think I'm going to tell? I had to suffer through this miserable show and if you want to find out who won, then you are going to have to do the same.